FULL CIRCLE

As Night Nurse slowly dulls my senses and my chest wheezes under the weight of its own mucus I wonder why I'm sitting here writing this blog.

Nothing much of interest happened to me today, unless you count warning the boss that I'd be taking my second ever sick day tomorrow.

For a week now I've been alternately ignoring, fighting and suffering with my cold/cough/flu. Countless pills, potions and early nights have made little headway against the many-faced beast that torments me. Today, I gave in. And as my bed beckons I lust after nothing more than a peaceful, long and undisturbed night's rest.

But before I go, I must convey news that I finished with Jane yesterday. All day I'd been steeling myself for the conversation. Would I tell her I just didn't fancy her? Or should I use the tried and tested "it's-me-not-you" line?

I chose the latter. "I'm not in a very good place right now," I told her, in between coughs. "It's not fair on you." As it happens, everything I told her was true. I am feeling miserable and sorry for myself right now. At the best of times it takes a special person to keep me at a big enough distance to keep me keen, yet not so far away that I give up altogether. Jane was not that person. She took it rather well.

Of more immediate concern, though, is the fact that I seem to have gone full circle. Five years ago when I was being screwed around by Jane's friend Natalie I began subscribing to the view that all women are fucked up. I haven't changed my mind. Just that now, I'm sorry to conclude, I realise that I am too. And I can't even think of anyone I ought to blame!