TABLES TURNED

So it's over with Veronica2 before it's even begun. I hadn't heard from her since I left her a message on Tuesday. On Saturday, she texted me:

"Thanks for ur message. Sorry not got back to u. manic week! Hope nights went well. Good to meet u. hope job hunting works out. All the best. Veronica."

And that was it: short, pleasant, ambiguous, yet at the same time, crystal clear. Just to be sure, I showed it to my friend Tracy. Her dumping-style was less subtle, something along the lines of: "Sorry. No chemistry, Bye.

Tracy was awe-struck at Veronica's mastery of the textual dump - she even asked me for a copy. How is it possible, she wondered, to tell a guy you're not interested and leave him feeling like he's still the man?

I decided to reply to Veronica, just to ensure that I hadn't gotten the wrong end of the stick. "No worries," I said. "Look after yourself. DC xx"

Although I barely know her, I still feel hurt. Me, the performing monkey performed, but the organ grinder didn't want me. Which means I did something wrong; I wasn't good enough. I failed. And I liked her; she was stunning.

Later on Saturday I went to see Stuart Lee at the Hackney Empire. The warm-up was bizarre, subtle and humourless. Mr Lee - the guy who co-wrote Jerry Springer the Opera, was excellent.

Sadly, the evening was spoilt by the twats sitting behind me. These retarded student runts guffawed at anything and everything that was said, whether it was funny or not. I tried sitting forward for some aural relief. But it was no use. The hyenas had a grip on my hearing that was impossible to shake. I felt like smacking them, but being the wimp that I am, I didn't.

So now, with Veronica2 seemingly uninterested, I'm just left with Lisa. I find it all so unsatisfying. When am I going to meet someone who blows me away?