GAME OVER II
I feel better today. The mist has cleared, the tears have dried and I'm back on home soil.

It still hurts - rejection, frustration, loneliness. But I need to be strong. I need to realise that if I'm not for her, then she can't be for me; that if she was so wonderful you would have felt it; there would have been a chain-reaction with each of us feeding of the other's inspiration. The thin lady sang and it's over!

Maybe things would have gone differently if our bizarre social (a hybrid of Big Brother-cum-blind-date-with-a-pen-pal) experiment hadn't been so intense. But we tried that five years ago. No, it didn't work because it could never work, because she doesn't want it to work. I need to believe that.

But if she called tomorrow to say she'd changed her mind, I'd come running back like a wounded puppy.