DRUNK AND CONFUSED
My toungue felt like it had been tenderised and toasted. My stomach bubbled like a witch's cauldron. And I felt confused.

I didn't drink much last night - probably a half dozen or so bottles of Budwar. And as the morning mist cleared, I realised why I felt lost.

Just two days after the Croatian object of my affections had finally put an end to five years of fantasy, I was having a heart-to-heart with N.

N and I are that curious hybrid of friend-cum-partner. We first went out six years ago. I was hooked. She broke my heart. I hated her. I forgave her. We got back together again. I went away. We were friends. And now...Now, I think I want a third bite of the cherry.

I planned to tell her at some point. Just not last night. But when she started telling me how my friend D and I were a perfect match, I had to tell N why I disagreed.

"We get on brilliantly," I told her. "We play off each other. You make me laugh like no-one else does. I enjoy being with you. And then, when I saw you at your mother's funeral, I saw a side of you I'd never seen before. I saw you had a heart as well."

Her reply was, well, typically enigmatic. She felt the same about me. She fancied me, enjoyed being with me, could snog me right there and then, but wasn't sure if I was right for her. When she saw me with D she was jealous, but then realised that D and me were probably a better match.

"Try it with her and then come back to me if it doesn't work," she said, seeming to echo Sting's exhortation that if you love someone you should set them free.

But I'm unvonvinced. While I like D, find her attractive and get on with her, there just isn't the same chemisty as there is between N and me.

Still, I called D today all the same. She wasn't there so I left a message. Then I called N - she's the one I want. And she knows it.